The problem of the Puer Aeternus – The Eternal Child
by Darren Taylor | September 7, 2023

The problem of the Puer Aeternus – The Eternal Child

(Draft book chapter. Some quotations still TBC).

Introduction

The Puer Aeternus (Latin for eternal child) is a term used by Jung to describe the archetype of adult men who, regardless of their chronological age, struggle to transition from adolescence to mature adulthood, a phenomenon which is commonly described as ‘the problem of the puer aeternus’ following the work of Marie Louise von Franz and her seminal book of the same name (1970).

Like all archetypes, the puer aeternus (henceforth also referred to as the puer) is not a rigid concept and can manifest in adult men at different ages, in different ways and to varying degrees. In order to portray this archetype, therefore, I start with a description of him which is a deliberate caricature of the puer aeternus in his extreme, or classic, form and it is this interpretation of the puer which I examine throughout this chapter. The concept of the puer aeternus is archetypal, developmental as well as cultural and, in this chapter, I attempt to look at it through all three of these lenses. I explore both the archetypal and developmental aspects of the puer via a discussion of Jung’s concept of both the mother and the father complex, more specifically in terms of the influence of the overbearing mother and the absent father on the formation of the puer. I then go on to discuss cultural factors pertaining to the puer and the reciprocal dynamic in which modern culture, as well as being partly responsible for the creation of the puer phenomenon, is at the same time deeply affected by it. I also point out that as culture changes so do archetypes, arguing that today’s manifestation of the puer aeternus, which I refer to as the digital puer, is substantially different from the one that both Jung and von Franz observed more than 50 years ago. I then go on to consider the possibility for the puer to grow up, or individuate, exploring this through the Jungian notions of the first half of life, the hero’s journey and the puer-senex continuum. Finally, I discuss some therapeutic considerations for those person centred therapists who wish to utilise the concept of the puer aeternus to inform their practice.

The Puer Aeternus personified

As I have already alluded to, depending on his stage of development, aspects of puer psychology may be present in an adult man of any age and may be experienced in ways that range in severity and the extent to which his life is impacted. Some men, for instance, might be living relatively successful, grown up lives which are perhaps blighted only to a minor degree by occasional immature traits. At this end of the spectrum we might find a mature, highly functioning man who, aware of his occasional immature tendencies and attempting to integrate them, is consciously individuating and could be viewed as being more in the archetypal realm of the senex (Latin for old man) than the puer. It is at the other end of the continuum where we find the classic puer aeternus who, remaining unconsciously trapped to a very substantial degree in adolescent psychology, finds that his life is severely restricted by his inability to launch. This range in masculine psychology, in Jungian theory, is referred to as the puer-senex continuum which I return to later when discussing ways in which the puer may be able to break free from his situation.

The classic puer aeternus, then, is personified as someone who typically lives in an immature fantasy world of ideas and possibilities but lacks the discipline, application and work ethic of the mature adult which is required to turn them into reality. His tendency to procrastinate and his inability to take action is often exacerbated by his childlike view of time, that it is somehow infinite, believing, for example, in the fantasy that ‘in time everything will be fine’ or ‘one day my time will come.’ The puer is an idealist in that the imperfect, real world can never live up to the paradise of his inner world and, as a result, he becomes a perfectionist who, disillusioned by reality and buoyed by his growing lack of self belief, feels that making an effort in the real world is pointless, so not even worth attempting. ‘There is a childish state of constant dissatisfaction with [himself] and the whole of reality … It is like a wet blanket over everything.’ (von Franz, 1970: tbc). The puer is also someone who craves freedom but lacks the agency to make decisions as well as the strength and resilience to bear the weight of responsibility which freedom inevitably demands of him.

In other words, fearful of and unable to face the existential givens of the real world the puer prefers to retreat into the safety and comfort of his inner fantasies, the inevitable consequence of which is his failure to launch a meaningful adult life from which he can continue to grow and evolve, remaining, instead, stuck in a state of perpetual adolescence. Jung said ’The puer typically leads a provisional life, due to the fear of being caught in a situation from which it might not be possible to escape … Plans for the future slip away in fantasies of what will be, what could be, while no decisive action is taken to change. He covets independence and freedom, chafes at boundaries and limits, and tends to find any restriction intolerable.’ (CW9.2: tbc).

The mother complex – the overbearing mother

As I mentioned in my introduction, the concept of the puer aeternus is developmental as well as archetypal and, in Jungian theory, a central developmental factor in the creation of the puer is thought to be his over-dependency on his mother or, in other words, his negative mother complex. ‘A man who has a mother complex’ von Franz says ‘will always have to contend with his tendencies toward becoming a puer aeternus’ (1970: tbc).

For Jung, the link between the archetype and the complex is central to his theory because, as I will discuss later, he believed that the process of individuation requires not only an appreciation of archetypes but also an awareness of one’s complexes and a gradual coming to terms with them such that the deeper archetypal energies of the psyche, which are vital to growth, can be accessed. Archetypes, as was explored in the chapter on Archetypes and the Collective Unconscious, are preformed, inherited systems, or blueprints, already existing within the collective unconscious of human beings at birth and ready to function throughout life. The puer archetype, then, is a child’s readiness to be a child including its newness and potential for growth. Additionally, amongst the innumerable archetypes, the child is also born with a mother archetype or an innate readiness for its mother which, when activated by the image of its personal mother, shapes its experience of mother and being mothered. The type of mothering provided by the personal mother and the way in which the child experiences this, in other words the developmental aspect of the puer aeternus concept, leaves the child with what Jung referred to as its mother complex.

Jung’s theory of the complex is investigated more thoroughly in the chapter entitled The Personal Unconscious but, for now, a complex can be thought of as feeling-toned ideas or images, clustered around an archetypal core, associated with a particular person or phenomenon in the person’s life. A complex carries a powerful emotional charge, which is usually beyond conscious control and, as already alluded to, can be experienced as being negative and/or positive. A mother complex, then, is the way in which the child experiences its personal mother, such as what it thinks about her, how it feels about her, emotions that are stirred in the child by her and so forth, as a consequence of the child’s relationship with its mother as it was raised. A person’s mother complex, whilst being shaped primarily by the experience of its biological mother, can also be informed through contact with other significant women, as well as by collective assumptions. In simple terms, a good or positive experience of the personal mother will result in the child having a positive mother complex whereas the child raised by a bad or negative mother will carry a negative mother complex, the reality being that most children sit somewhere in between the two.

The negative mother is generally characterised as being overbearing, neglectful, neurotic or a combination of these types in the way that she parents her child. The neglectful mother, for example, selfishly prioritises her own self care over the care of her child and the neurotic mother, through her inability to temper her own unhappiness and inadequacies, fails to shield her children from her emotions or trauma. It is the overbearing mother, however, who is considered by Jungians to be especially conducive to the creation of the puer aeternus for, in her classic personification, it is the overbearing mother who will protect her son from emotional pain by being overly comforting, who will shelter him from the hardship and the so called threats of the outside world by being overly protective and who will also shield him from having to make his own choices via excessive judgement and control. In other words, it is the overbearing mother who perpetuates the womb-like experience for the puer, a paradise or fantasy space within which the puer feels safest and outside of which he is too anxious and weak to survive.

Finally, it must be remembered that at the core of any mother complex the archetype of the mother remains. In other words, beneath the emotional associations the child has with his biological mother, however strong, there is also a powerful collective image of the mother deep in the unconscious. An image which, given the polarity of archetypes, is one of nourishment and security on the one hand (the positive mother) and devouring possessiveness on the other (the negative mother). An image which can be as potentially harmful as it is healing.

The father complex – the absent father

In addition to the overbearing mother Jungian theory also advocates that, in many cases, the puer’s relationship with his father and his experience of being fathered, in other words his father complex, is another significant developmental factor for the puer. In particular, it is the absence of the father during the child’s formative years which leads to his increased psychological attachment to, and failure to separate from, his mother. The father can be absent from the child in a number of ways: either physically through, for example, working patterns, separation, divorce, death or, even worse, abandonment, and even when a father is physically present his absence may be experienced by the child psychologically and emotionally, for example the father who lacks personal effectiveness or salience and, as such, is experienced as being symbolically weak by the child. Either way, the consequences for the boy mean that, not only does he fail to separate from his mother, he also fails to learn what it is like to function as a man and to fulfil his male potential.

In summary, it is the overbearing mother along with the absent or weak father that provide the ideal breeding ground for the puer aeternus or, in other words, it is the interplay of both his negative mother and father complexes which, together, are responsible for holding the puer back from launching into adulthood. Jung says that such a man ‘ … makes no more than a series of fitful starts, for his initiative as well as his staying power are crippled by the secret memory that the world and happiness may be had as a gift – from the mother. The fragment of world which he, like every man, must encounter again and again is never quite the right one, since it does not fall into his lap, does not meet him half way, but remains resistant, has to be conquered, and submits only to force. It makes demands on the masculinity of a man, on his ardour, above all on his courage and resolution when it comes to throwing his whole being on the scales.’ (CW9.2: tbc).

Credit: Excerpt from Darren Taylor's website
https://www.darrentaylorcounselling.com/the-problem-of-the-puer-aeternus-the-eternal-child/